Treat Or Trick
by Ronin2
Summary: Here's what happens some of our fave FFVII gals do their part for Halloween.


TREAT OR TRICK  
  
Like before, Final Fantasy is a trademark of Square  
  
& Enix, while Jujyfruits is a trademark of Heide,  
  
whatever you like it or not, eh?  
  
It's Halloween night, with a full moon over Nibelheim,  
  
and Yuffie, dressed as Reno of The Turks, stands near  
  
the water tower, waiting for Aeris, Tifa and Elena. Just  
  
then, a voice from the shadows takes the materia ninja  
  
by surprise.)  
  
Aeris (voice): You %@*#^&$!! It's WE!! WE!!  
  
(Yuffie jumps up in shock, just as Aeris, dressed to look   
  
like Cid, steps out of the shadows. Yuffie is now gasping  
  
for breath.)  
  
Aeris (laughing): Sorry 'bout that, Yuffers. Think I look  
  
just like Cid Highwind?  
  
Yuffie: Not only that, you sound like Cid. Least you don't  
  
smoke like ol' C. H.  
  
Aeris: Only a pig like Cid would smoke. Anyhow, you make a   
  
fantastic Turk.  
  
Yuffie: Amen, Aer.  
  
(Just then, Tifa arrives, dressed like Sephiroth, complete  
  
with the 9 foot Masamune sword.)  
  
Yuffie & Aeris: SEPHIROTH!! AAAAAAAGGHHHH!!!!  
  
(The gals jump in fear and start to run off.)  
  
Tifa: Hey, it's me!! It's me, Tifa....!!  
  
(Aeris and Yuffie stop in their tracks before   
  
coming back to Tifa.)  
  
Aeris: So it is....!! You sure look like the real S-man--  
  
right down to the uniform and the Masamune.  
  
Tifa: The sword was no problem; I had Cloud and Cid   
  
custom forge a replica.   
  
Yuffie: You could even fool Jenova if you could.  
  
(laughs along with Aeris and Tifa.)  
  
Aeris: Well, let's get started.  
  
Tifa: Shouldn't we wait for Elena first?  
  
Aeris: She's late as it is, and besides she can join up   
  
after the first house. Oh, what the hey? Let's go.  
  
(With that in mind, the gals head for the first house in  
  
Nibelheim; Yuffie knocks on the door, which opens; behind it  
  
is a Minnesota Fats type man with a broom in one hand.)  
  
Yuffie: Trick or treat.  
  
Man (in Brooklyn accent): Yo, ged outa here, you Turk!! (hic)  
  
(Hits Yuffie on the head with his broom; Yuffie staggers off and  
  
falls to the ground. Aeris kneels before her.)  
  
Aeris (fearfully): Yuffie, you OK?!?  
  
Yuffie: What an idiot!! He could've detatched my retinas.  
  
(Spurred by her friend's plight, Aeris turns to the man.)  
  
Aeris: What's the big idea?!? She was DRESSED to look like   
  
one of The Turks!!  
  
Man: (hic) Butt out, Cid Highwind!! You got some nerve, showin'   
  
up with your (hic) stinkin' cigarettes!! (Hits Aeris on her head   
  
with his broom.)  
  
Aeris: Duh-h-h-h-h-h-h, that smarts!!  
  
Tifa (stepping foward): Hey!! That was my best bud you just   
  
beaned!! Besides, she wasn't smoking any cigarettes!!  
  
Man: Sephiroth!! (hic) Scram, you!! (Hits Tifa on her head with   
  
his broom.)  
  
Tifa: Foul!! Did you see that dude give me a rabbit punch?!?  
  
(The Brooklyn man blows a raspberry before slamming the   
  
door.)  
  
Tifa: What a jerk!!  
  
Aeris: He must've been been drunk, eating locoweed, or all  
  
of the above.  
  
Yuffie: You'd think he'd get the idea we're dressed in costume  
  
for Halloween, an' not the real Mc Coy. Maybe he must be  
  
a Halloween version of Scrooge, thinkin' Halloween is  
  
a lot of humbug.  
  
Tifa: Could be.  
  
(At that moment, Elena, dressed up like Vincent, runs  
  
up to the other FFVII gals.)  
  
Elena: Sorry I am late, but I had to help Tseng fix our   
  
garbage disposal.  
  
Aeris: Wow!! Elena, you look like the real Vincent.  
  
Tifa: To quote Selphie Tilmitt, WHOO-HOO!! You   
  
could fool even Lucreatia.  
  
Yuffie: Say, didn't we do that bit before?  
  
Elena: Thanks a heap. Well, let's go. An' remember--  
  
I get dibs on some of the Jujyfruits.   
  
(Elena heads for the house of the man with the broom.)  
  
Yuffie: Don't go to that house, El.  
  
Elena: Why not? Am I THAT scary? BOO!!  
  
Aeris: No, don't go there because that man in there  
  
will hit you on the head with a broom!!  
  
Elena: That so? I'd like to see that bastard try it!!  
  
(With that in mind, Elena knocks on the door which   
  
opens.)  
  
Elena: Trick or treeeeeeeeeat.  
  
(The man comes out, and--SSSSSCHHHHWAAT!!--  
  
hits the female Turk on the head.)  
  
Elena: YEE-OUCH!!  
  
Man: Ged lost, y' STUU----PID %@#*&^$ vampire!! (hic)  
  
Elena: OK, turkey, you asked for it!! (Turns loose  
  
a Ultima strike which knocks the man silly; he drops his   
  
broom.)  
  
Man (deleriously): Du-h-h-h-h-h-h-h, (hic) allow me   
  
to introduce myself, my name is Mud. (Falls down  
  
on his back.)  
  
Tifa: And remember--Mud spelled backward  
  
is Dum. (Steps in the house, grabs a handful  
  
of candy from the man's candy bowl, steps out   
  
and closes the door. From there, she and the   
  
other gals head onward while divvying up the  
  
candy.)  
  
Elena: Not one crummy box of Jujyfruits?  
  
Aeris: Maybe at the next house.  
  
(The gals carry on with their trick or treat  
  
trek, collecting candy from the houses of  
  
Nibelheim; at one point, a scary howl is  
  
heard, causing the ladies to jump on each  
  
other.)  
  
Yuffie: Wolves!!  
  
Tifa: It's just Red XIII howing at the moon.  
  
(At a distance, we see the wolf like  
  
creature known as Nanaki, aka Red XIII  
  
howling under the moon.)  
  
Elena: KEE-RIPES!! You'd think he'd give   
  
some kind of warning before doin' that.  
  
Aeris: Least we got one house left before   
  
we head for Rocket Town.  
  
(The group heads for the last house; as  
  
soon as Tifa knocks on the door, it opens.)  
  
Tifa: Surprise!! UH!! I mean, trick or treat!!  
  
(We see in the doorway, that it's Tidus  
  
from Final Fantasy X, peering all around.)  
  
Tidus: Huh? Where's the surprise?  
  
Elena (to Tifa): Surprise?!?  
  
Tifa: So I goofed.  
  
Aeris (to Tidus): Hey, you're Tidus, star  
  
of The Zanarkand Abes, and of Final  
  
Fantasy X. What chuu doin' here?  
  
Tidus: It's our winter home, when me and   
  
The Besaid Aurochs finish up with the  
  
Blitzball season. Only where's the surprise?  
  
Yuffie: There ain't no surprise, just a slip up, eh?   
  
By the by, how's Yuna an Rikku?  
  
Tidus: Let's see......last time I heard, they were  
  
hangin' 'round with Paine in Final Fantasy X2;   
  
they should be here in a day or two. Oh,  
  
right, your candy, sorry 'bout that.  
  
(Tidus gives out handfuls of candy to the ladies,  
  
and they're Jujyfruits, to Elena's delight.)  
  
Elena: Oh boy, Jujyfruits!! At last!! Thanks a heap!!  
  
Tidus: Anytime. Listen, if you see Cid Highwind, say "Hi"  
  
for Cid of the Al Bhed, ok?  
  
Aeris: We will.  
  
(Heading through the Mt. Nibel caves, en route  
  
to Rocket Town, the gals meet The Materia  
  
Keeper.)  
  
The Materia Keeper: What chuu doin' here?  
  
It's scary in these caves.  
  
Elena: Naturally it's scary in those caves--it's Halloween.  
  
Tifa: We're on our way to Rocket Town.  
  
The Materia Keeper: Be careful when you go there--  
  
there's danger abound there.  
  
Aeris: You mean Sephiroth, Jenova and/or WEAPON?  
  
The Materia Keeper: No, Cid Highwind--he is in a bad mood.  
  
Yuffie: That sucks. Now THAT is scary.  
  
(Entering Rocket Town, Tifa, Yuffie, Aeris and Elena  
  
approach Cid's house and knock on the door which  
  
opens; behind it is an irate Cid.)  
  
Aeris, Tifa, Yuffie & Elena: Trick or treat.  
  
Cid: TRICK!!  
  
Aeris, Tifa, Yuffie & Elena (crying, bawling and   
  
wailing): WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Cid: HEY!! Don't go &*%@#$^ cryin' to me!! You'd  
  
be grouchy yourself if that %@*#$^& Shera  
  
pestered you to give &^^$#@%* candy to those  
  
*@#%$^& BRATS!! OK, OK!! Here's your ^%#*@$& treats!!  
  
(Tosses a handful of candy to the gals, who stop crying.)  
  
You just can't beat the system!!  
  
Aeris: That Materia Keeper was right--you're in a bad mood.  
  
Yuffie: Anyhow, we just met Tidus from Besaid, an' he  
  
told me an the rest to tell you that Cid of the Al  
  
Bhed said "Hi."  
  
Cid: He did, eh? Tell 'ol Cid of the Al Bhed I said "Likewise."  
  
Elena: Hey, it's that Seifer, Fujin and Raijin tryin' to toilet  
  
paper The Shanghai Inn!!  
  
(Sure enough, we see Seifer, Raijin and Fujin tossing rolls   
  
of toilet paper over the inn, just making a big mess--and  
  
already Cid is livid.)  
  
Cid: Hey you Galbadian %#@*&^$s!! Stop toilet papering  
  
that joint before I kick your sorry BUT-TOCKS outa here!!  
  
(From here, Cid and the gals charge toward Seifer and  
  
his posse, causing them to freak out.)  
  
Raijin: YIPE!! It's Cid Highwind, y' know!! Let's beat it!!  
  
Fujin: RATS!!  
  
(Fujin and Rajin run off, to Seifer's chagrin.)  
  
Seifer: Come back here, you cowards!! Oh, foo!! I never   
  
get to have any tradition Halloween fun!! (Runs off to  
  
join up with his posse.)  
  
Yuffie: What an exit!!  
  
Tifa: Toilet paper jokes suck.  
  
Elena: So do teenage hulks that trick or treat.  
  
Aeris: Not to mention tainted treats with razor blades   
  
and whatnot.  
  
Cid: While we're on the subject, you gals best inspect   
  
your treats when you get home.  
  
Aeris, Tifa, Yuffie & Elena: We will.  
  
(Much later, after collecting treats all over the planet,  
  
we see our heroines back in Nibelheim, heading for   
  
home, which used to be The Shinra Mansion, worn out  
  
no doubt.)  
  
Yuffie: Boy, Halloween night was a pip.  
  
Aeris: You said it. Boy, do my feet itch.  
  
Tifa: I told you to use tough actin' Tinactin. Hey, check  
  
out what's happenin' here.  
  
Nearby, at one of the houses, we see Quistis, Selphie  
  
and Rinoa dressed as respectively, Squall, Irvine and  
  
Seifer.)  
  
Rinoa: Treat or trick. OOP!! I mean trick or treat.  
  
Selphie: Rhino, you dope!! For a Sorceress, you're one  
  
ditzy bimbo!!  
  
Rinoa: So I goof up, big deal!! An' 'sides, my name is Rinoa--  
  
NOT Rhino!!  
  
Quistis: KEE-RIPES!! Why don't you two grow up?!?  
  
Elena: Y' know....the password is deja vu.  
  
Aeris, Tifa & Yuffie: AAAA-MEN!!  
  
OWARI (THE END)  
  
P.S.: Happy Halloween to all you Final Fantasy   
  
stalwarts!!  
  
--Ronin. 


End file.
